2025 Globes Report
Oscar predictions, red carpet eval & the Brady (Corbet) Bunch
The year Elvis was up for awards, I felt like I was watching red carpet coverage and refreshing Check the Tag every moment of every day for months on end. After the 2023 Oscars, I thereby swore off watching anything but the Oscars, which I only adhere to when I feel like it. This year, though, I feel uniquely invested in new movies in a very platonic way: I liked them! Despite my loathing for things that are getting nowhere near awards (Oh, Canada), I am pretty warm to everything that might win anything. Even The Brutalist, which is in the running for the title of Worst Movie I’ve Ever Seen With My Eyes, is at least spectacularly stupid in a way that makes me laugh. I want nothing more than Brady Corbet to win an Oscar, get up on that Dolby stage with his iPhone 16 and start reading a long tweet he wrote about “Kodak.” Mostly, though, it’s easier for me to digest celebrity goings-ons this year because I’m not ravenously fixated on anyone attending the shows. I imagine, for example, Club Chalamet is embarking on an incredibly stressful and borderline unpleasant Awards Season, but Caught Stealing doesn’t come out until next year, so I don’t have to worry about an onset of that kind of behavior right now.
All that to say, the Golden Globes are usually very boring or annoying, but this year I found them quite fun. That’s in large part because I think Emilia Pérez is a completely adequate motion picture. It is stupid and “problematic,” sure, but as my friend said on X, The Everything App, before being pressured to delete it by dolts who don’t understand spectacle or liberalism (burning of the Library of Alexandria vibes), it is far more interesting than The Brutalist.
Movies that win awards have very rarely—almost never—been “good,” let alone ideologically champion-able. Emilia Pérez offers many political and cinematically formal ideas to be mulled over and debated, real performances and songs and ideas, which is about all you can expect from a movie celebrated by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. You shouldn’t be rooting for or against movies based on “goodness” or “badness,” in any sense, but based on their harmfulness or harmlessness toward public or Hollywood conceptions of art or celebrity. Emilia Pérez doesn’t ideologically proclaim anything, at all, except that “the cartel” is “bad,” and that trans people can be small business owners or in “the cartel” if they want to. This isn’t all that different in temperature from Conclave, which I also think is accidentally good because it’s thoughtful and brazen. The Brutalist isn’t thoughtful so much as it is a bloated collection of ideas and citations by a moron, which is also harmless; at least it exposes faux intellectuals to us, makes an effort to say something good about Zionism. What did Everything Everywhere All At Once do except affront us with the aesthetics of 2010 YouTube and a collection of very bad actors, awarded with career wins based on their very lack of careers? And, Wicked: it’s awful and aesthetically harmful. But who wouldn’t want three of the most freakish crazy people in Hollywood (Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo, and Jon Mediocre Chu) to appear on stages looking and acting freakish and crazy? If funding different kinds of crazy movies like Conclave or Nickel Boys is the purpose of film industry, the purpose of Hollywood is to hold someone in front of your face and say, “look at this freak go.”
Best Globe moments
Brady Corbet had a bob
“My sisters at Netflix”
Accepting Emilia Pérez’s Globe for Best Non-English Motion Picture, Frenchman inexplicably unable to speak English Jacques Audiard said “Toutes mes sœurs de Netflix.” This is what Jacques Audiard looked like at the Golden Globes:
I learned that Adrien Brody is dating Georgina Chapman
When I have seen Adrien Brody with a woman amidst the long release of The Brutalist, I have looked at the woman and thought, “that’s a woman.” If you showed me a picture of Georgina Chapman circa 2005, I might say, “that’s Harvey Weinstein’s wife, Marchesa.” I don’t know Georgina Chapman by name, and now she has a different face and hair than when she was Harvey Weinstein’s wife and designer of Marchesa. Put this person next to Adrien Brody and it’s hopeless. Accepting his Globe, though, Brody thanked Georgina for her “generosity of spirit,” and they cut to Georgina, who looked 19-years-old. I Googled “adrien brody georgina”... what’s this? Georgina is Georgina Chapman, who divorced Harvey Weinstein in 2021? It’s all happening for and to the cast and crew of pre-Israeli epic The Brutalist, the Brady Bunchers!
Challengers W
Challengers winning Best Score is like a lesser version of Austin Butler winning the BAFTA, which I talk about every 15 minutes like it’s when Bernie Sanders won the state of Nevada and the year in which I’m talking about it is 2021.
Demi Moore
Not only is Demi Moore beautiful and deserving of awards, her success proves my evaluations from May 2024 onward that The Substance is only controversial to dumb, American 20-year-olds, and that Demi Moore is going to win an Oscar. Her acceptance of a Golden Globe also led my boyfriend to ask me, “why are people tweeting about Ashton Kutcher? Did he date Demi Moore?.” I have so much fruitful and fulfilling work to do!
Sebastian Stan
A Different Man is such a microscopic and excitingly good movie, it’s exciting to see it be championed on such a huge stage. Stan thanked his girlfriend, star of Tag, Annabelle Wallis!
Bob Dylan, you’re bones
My close personal friend and confidant Ben Empey likes to start fights with me just to weakly concede that I’m right. Months ago, I told him: Timothée Chalamet is not winning an Oscar, which is the best thing for his career. He refused to bet me American dollars on this eventuality but called me crazy, only to send me updated Oscar predictions on the day of the Globes with no Bob Dylan in sight. Bob Dylan is not winning any Oscars.
Red Carpet Report
Best Dressed
Selena Gomez, Prada
This Prada silhouette never gets old to me. I like when Selena Gomez looks like a famous person.
Emma Stone, LV
It’s so rare that she looks cool. I love the hair!
Demi Moore, Armani
Fernanda Torres, Oliver Theyskens
I don’t know who this is ❤️.
Andrew Scott, Vivenne Westwood
Because I hate Andrew Scott, I think he looks like a ridiculous clown. But if someone I tolerate wore this (say, Timothée Chalamet) I would be very excited by it. It’s giving Pez.
Nicole Kidman, Balenciaga
Clearing a low bar, this is far and away the best look of the night.
Worst Dressed
Cate Blanchett, LV
I’m getting really sick of this shape and vibe for her. Notes on a Scandal “you’re not young,” but it’s me saying, “you’re not old.”
Elle Fanning, Balmain
It’s too long; the belt; the stupid faux-ironic repro animal print. If you ever, for a second, think Balmain might be cool, they will get back to the business of making hideous clothing that should be sold at the mall as soon as possible.
Gia Coppola, Valentino
I don’t really “know” who “Gia Coppola” “is.”
Kate Winslet, Erdem
This pains me to write: I love Erdem and Titanic, and that’s Mare. But it looks like she’s on her way to the hospital 😔.
Kathryn Hahn, Altuzarra
There were many banally ugly looks at the Globes, so I’ve only attended to ones that really, actively bother me. This woman who people keep telling me is a famous actor was at the Golden Globes for Agatha All Along, and this is what she wore. That’s not any confluence of factors that’s pleasing to me.
My official post-Globe Oscar predictions
The Globes aren’t really a predictor of who will win Oscars so much as they are a measure of who won’t win Oscars. As Ben texted me, for example, if Ariana Grande can’t win with the HFPA she can’t win anywhere. Emilia Pérez sweeping and Anora getting nothing might be canaries to their respective might and weakness, but more than anything the Globes solidified a lot of predictions I already had. Given how badly and well the BAFTAs predicted Oscars in 2023 and 2024, respectively, I’m still learning the post-COVID landscape of reading the European tea leaves pre-Academy voting, and perhaps taking the Globes a little too seriously in the process. Production Design, Costuming, and Makeup & Hair will likely all go to Wicked, and Editing to Emilia Pérez or The Brutalist, though I don’t know any of those craftspeople by name.
Picture: Emilia Pérez
Director: Jacques Audiard, Emilia Pérez
Cinematography: Lol Crawley, The Brutalist1
Actor: Ralph Fiennes, Conclave
Actress: Demi Moore, The Substance
Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin, A Real Pain
Supporting Actress: Zoe Saldaña, Emilia Pérez
Score: Reznor and Ross, Challengers
Song: “El Mal,” Emilia Pérez
Adapted: Peter Straughan, Conclave
Original: Sean Baker, Anora
The cinematographer of The Brutalist is named Lol Crawley.
Based on last night, I think that Corbet will win the screenplay Oscar over Baker. If he doesn’t, that’s just Neon getting a pity award.
Also, best moment of the Globes, for me, was VD stopping mid-presentation to say “Hey Dwayne.”
I think Brady Cor"bay" (there is something about a plodding name like Corbet being pronounced like someone classing up Target which is funny) did an excellent job of mentioning his adorable child and then they cut to her because giving a speech off an iphone lacks a certain amount of charm and class, I find. (But it was nice that he mentioned Aubrey Plaza and her late husband Jeff Baena.) And I wonder if Ariel Levy, who ghostwrote her memoir, or someone like that shaped Demi Moore's acceptance speech, which was great. Her acting was superb when she was pretending it was off the cuff but that thing had shape and a THEME.