When Taylor Swift released “The Tortured Poets Department” I was in New York City (NYC), and that was really great; being in NYC grounded me to the material reality in which we live, where there is no plausible way to argue that “TTPD” is good. I listened to the original version of the album (pre “Anthology” tracks) while putting on makeup in a hotel room and walking around Tribeca. Those would have been excellent conditions in which to hear songs like “Getaway Car” or even “Cornelia Street” for the first time, but despite being set up to “lock in” as I say, “Fresh Out the Slammer” (?) and “So Long, London” simply did nothing for me. Just barely trailing the shrill filler of Speak Now and humiliating poetry of Evermore, TTPD is her worst album.
Before I get into that though, I should also tell my readers that whilst in New York City (NYC) I saw Baz Luhrmann walking down the street with what I can only describe as a head full of equipment: hair plugs, snapback, turquoise Prada sunglasses, headphones, and a Pura Utz or Susan Alexandra beaded necklace. I was less wowed by the celeb encounter with someone I actually care about than by all that stuff. I hope to see him again someday, though, with even more stuff on his head/neck.
TTPD has many redeemable moments. Lead single “Fortnight” is pleasant and dreamy, and mostly Post Malone is giving new cute guy to me after he sang at Graceland for Christmas (?):
The choruses of “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” and “Down Bad” are in some ways TS at her best, in the literalism of telling us exactly what she’s feeling which includes not one ounce of shame. I also do believe she has legitimately lost her mind, and is reckoning for the first time in her mid-thirties with just how strange and unpleasant her life has been. I am charmed by “I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day/ I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague/ I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art,” which reminds me of a lot of what works, more self-seriously, in Folklore: “give you my wild, give you a child/ give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother. Is it enough?” or “bold was the waitress on our three year trip getting lunch down by the lakes/ she said I looked like an American singer.”
There’s more of that in TTPD’s “Clara Bow” when she compares herself in artifice (?) to Clara and Stevie Nicks, singing the words, “you look like Taylor Swift.” I should love that, but the song is boring; what should kind of float like “Mirrorball” plays like a panicked citation of the “American singer” line on an album that saved her post-Lover legacy, now on an album she has no real attachment to. “thanK you aIMee” is about how Kim Kardashian’s kids come home singing “a song that only us two is gonna know is about you”–that The Eras Tour is borne specifically from Kim’s blunder–and I also like that idea because it’s mean and exact, and the kids part is true. But the melody sounds like nothing, and no one remembers the specifics of the “Famous” stuff—ask around!!!
It’s when she starts getting self-aware and tripping over the production in, like, “FLORIDA!!!” that I quite literally cringe. I don’t know enough about music to get into this (i.e. if it’s Jack Antonoff’s “fault”), but every single song she releases, even if it’s good (“Suburban Legends,” “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”), now sounds like a Midnights reject. I know many hate the latter, but I never did. I think “Karma” is one of her best and that I would kill myself if I didn’t know what it was like to be still bejeweled. But I certainly don’t need to know any more about being bejeweled.
Much like Evermore is the Kidz Bop re-release of Folklore, TTPD is the “serious” version of Midnights which is really giving SLEEP AID. I’m not particularly invested in any of this, because the thing about Taylor Swift is that I can Google “Lucky Fiori” and listen to “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” on the way to Sephora in Kohls whenever I want (usually once a week); I’m not looking for much else from her because I already have it. I’m also not worried about her legacy or ability to put magic in the bottle again, because this is merely the second TTPD hitting the towers; she lost all her good will from 1989 with Kim/Kanye, and sank even lower with Lover. TTPD won’t move the needle anywhere because people are dumb and desperate to pretend they’re having fun–I myself am saying that I’m down bad crying at the gym every 15-20 minutes–but I think we are all forgetting that Taylor Swift’s next big project is a feature film. That will correct the course for her:
This is my album ranking:
1989
Reputation
Folklore
Fearless
Red
Midnights
Lover
Taylor Swift
Evermore
Speak Now
The Tortured Poets Department
BONUS MUSIC UPDATE: Only God Was Above Us saves my life every single day. I’ve also decided 2024 is a great time for me to really start talking about how Ezra Koenig is hot. I’ll explain this quickly: the big t-shirt boyish thing is working better for me now that he’s apathetic and absent, and I always forget how exciting it is when there’s new VW and he starts appearing places acting like an asshole with badly cuffed pants–I’m really kind of a simple person. “Pravda” is my favorite song (MIDWEST: MENTIONED).
this is why we can't have nice things mentioned
i love when she goes "HE SAID SHE SAID"
Love the album rank, one big difference from mine is how low Speak Now is. I’d love to hear you expand on what doesn’t work about that album for you.